I had to be a witness in the criminal case against a crook who held us up and robbed the till (cash register) in the store I worked in. I had such a messed-up head right after the robbery that I was useless. The more the cops interviewed me the worse my mind got. I kept getting warnings that the guy might try to scare us into not being witnesses. I kept getting more and more anxious every day. I finally had to quit my job because I was just too scared to work there. I moved back home to my parent’s house because I couldn’t function at any job I tried. It took a while for the guy to get caught. When he did, I expected to feel better. I didn’t. I got told that his buddies may come looking for us. That’s when I really lost control. I couldn’t leave the house. Some days I would hide in a closet all day and night. My mom tried everything. Nothing helped. Not even psych meds. Then my mom’s friend told her about the BSW program for PTSD. The lawyer let me do it because it is not a talk therapy where I have to risk talking about the details of the crime. I did it online. That helped. I owe my life and my sanity to the BSW training. I learned the hand techniques that are called neurokinesis. On my bad days I did it every hour on the hour. On my good days, I did the 3X’s a day everyone is told to do for the first 28 days. I was finally able to be my normal self. I got a new job.
I visited the store where it happened when the lawyer asked me to see if I could. I used the BSW techniques over and over while I was there until I wasn’t scared any more. That night I slept the whole night without any nightmares. After another week, I took my blankets out of the bottom of my closet where I slept when I was really scared.
Then my BSW Coach got me ready to testify. My biggest fear was about identifying the guy in front of the guy. I didn’t know if he would come looking for me. My BSW coach taught me this technique that made me want to make the guy see I was not afraid of him. I know it sounds weird, but I did. I wanted him to see he couldn’t scare me into not testifying. I am not saying I didn’t take it serious about the warnings about what he might try to do to scare us into not testifying. I am saying I needed to go to court to face him, so I could face my fear. I didn’t want to let him destroy me. I needed to be a solid witness, so I could live without being owned by being afraid of his face in my memory. I needed to prove to myself that I had the courage “to do the right thing, in the right way, for the right reasons “, just like my coach taught me to say to me. I can’t say everything I’d like to. But I did amazing. The guy’s lawyer tried to make me get mixed up by saying I changed my testimony. I knew I hadn’t. I loved smiling at him (the guy’s lawyer) like I was trained to do. I loved being calm. I loved not being afraid. I loved knowing I did it and did it really well. I loved seeing the guy’s lawyer give up on trying to change my testimony.
When the guy was sentenced, I was relieved, but I also pitied him. I walked out of court knowing I was not owned by my fear of him getting even. Instead I knew it was a reasonable concern. I also knew how to handle any anxiety, so I didn’t have any more panic attacks. I think the BSW training should be available to everybody. I haven’t had to take any psych meds since 3 weeks after I started the BSW program. And I kept my new job, and I moved out on my own again the month after the court case was over. My mom used the same BSW techniques to get over being afraid for me.
Because of what I went through, I have decided to become a Certified BSW Witness Preparation Practitioner. I know every victim of crime will need a BSW Witness Practitioner. I know it is the only way for anyone to become a stronger and happier person instead of staying a victim.